Allowing instead of controlling during Mercury Retrograde

So, I wish I could blame Mercury Retrograde (MR) for all the crappy things I felt and experienced during this time, but that would mean not taking any responsibility for my feelings. As we start to awaken from this dream state called life, we know that we cannot blame any external entities or events for what makes us feel bad.
A few things happened during MR that caused me to feel anger, frustration, confusion, and well, at the bottom of a barrel, wondering if I will ever reach the top where I could breathe effortlessly and easily. During this time I seem to have temporarily forgotten a few simple rules to the universe:

1. I have 100% control of how I feel and how I want my story to flow. When I find myself drifting toward discomfort, I have every right to take another fork in the road and feel happy. My story is the script to my life, and I am the scriptwriter. No one else has the power to take it away from me and edit without my permission.
2. The law of attraction doesn't work if I don't practice the law of allowing at the same time. 
3. Things and people in my current reality are a direct result of what is already inside of me.

And, thanks to Brad Yates' EFT workshop this week, I learned…
4. Limiting beliefs exist in my subconscious because my subconscious thinks the beliefs are protecting me from harm. Limiting beliefs are rooted in fears, and fear comes from feeling unsafe!

You may be thinking, "What the #%@* are you talking about? I would never want bad things to happen to me. I don't want people in my life who hurt me or piss me off. This is a bunch of crap!"
It's OK if you are thinking that. I learned from Joe Vitale and Janeen Detrick that this is probably your subconscious protecting you from believing something it's convinced will not benefit you. We all choose to do/believe something because we are convinced it will benefit us in some way. Hence, we choose to not do/believe something because we are convinced this will not serve us. Most of us tend to come up with excuses as to why we don't want to do something--I'm too tired, I don't have the money, I am too busy, I can't get anyone to go with me, etc.--It's pretty simple. We don't believe we will attain happiness from doing it. After all, isn't that the root of why we want things like money, a life partner, a house, a car? We just want to be happy, and we believe these things will make us happy.
This leads me to a statement that Joe Vitale and Abraham/Hicks keep saying over and over and over…

BE HAPPY NOW!

OK, easily said, but how can I be happy when I'm in a state of chaos, stress or illness?
-See step 1 above. Remembering that I am the captain of this vessel called "me" is the first step. Acknowledging that I can steer it any way I want. I don't have to let the ocean take me somewhere I don't want to go, only to get stuck in some rocky reef.
-Accepting that I am feeling resistance is next. Owning this feeling I don't want is critical. Blaming others doesn't make sense, especially when most of the time, they don't "do" something to me on purpose and with ill intent. And if they do, they were not being their true self at the moment.
-#3, forgiving myself and anyone else I was trying to blame for feeling a way I don't want to. (Forgiveness is always present in Brad's EFT scripts and Janeen's NLP scripts.) Forgiveness is the key to moving on/forward and not letting the bad feeling control us (looking backward).
-Giving myself permission to change. I need to feel it's OK to change how I feel. Remember, #4 above, my subconscious held on to feeling bad because it thinks it is protecting me. (The Sedona Method is a good source for asking yourself questions to let go of "bad" feelings.)
-Finally, # 2, allowing and trusting the universe to bring into my story, what is best for me at the perfect time. This is still a little challenging for me. A friend once told me I was a control freak. I didn't like that label, so I looked at the times when that was probably seen as true in other's eyes. I'm working on this step, and expect to be better with practice!
If at this point, I am still feeling low vibration, I can practice EFT or NLP. At the worst, after I am done with a round or more of it, I will feel happier and lighter, and that's never a bad thing!

There was something I wanted and expected from a friend recently and I was frustrated that I wasn't receiving it. It made me feel a plethora of bad emotions. I felt like blaming the other person for not giving it to me. After practicing a lot of EFT, I was reminded of the law of allowing. I started telling the universe "I allow you to give me ______." This is so much better than demanding "Universe, I want ________" or "Why aren't you sending me _________"?
If you think about it, how would you want to be spoken to when someone makes a request?
I also started practicing telling the other person "It makes me happy if you __________". This sounds better than "I feel bad when you ________."
This shifts focus on my happiness instead of my sadness/anger. Come on, no one really wants to hear how bad you feel, right?

I challenge you to try this technique the next time you request something to a loved one. See how they react when you choose your words carefully.

Now that MR is coming to a close today, I can reflect on what happened the past month. It sure is easy to remember all the things that made me unhappy. But what about all the good things that happened along the way? No matter how "small" these triumphs are, they are all equal in the sense that they made me happy, and I feel successful knowing I made them happen.
I have gratitude to MR for teaching me, to remind me of my true talent and strength.
I want to continue focusing on the good, because I know deep down, my true essence, my true nature is happy, peaceful, empowered and forever expanding.

Thanks to my teachers, thank you Mercury, thank you universe, thank you self.
Blessings to all, and may you all shake hands with your true nature.

 I shot this on Easter, 2009. I love how the universe allowed me to capture a cool effect without Photoshop editing! Happy Easter!

Rampage of Appreciation

Hello Lovely Light Beings,
It's good to be back at my blog space! It got a little bit dusty since I haven't maintained it for a few months! Time for spring cleaning!

I had to step away from this blog for several weeks because March and April have been a little bit challenging and emotional. I was definitely not in my normal state of mind during this time. Not only did last minute tax prep take up a whole week, and mercury retrograde bended my fender several times, but as you know, the footage of Japan's quake and tsunami were mind-blowing. I admit I allowed those images to affect me on a deep level and it took awhile to get over the shock and grief. I literally made myself physically sick (living proof that psychosomatic ailments are real)!
Thankfully, I have resources for these kinds of times. Homeopathy helped me stop feeling the sadness, Michael Bernard Beckwith's Agape services the Sunday after uplifted and reminded me of inevitable, natural earth changes and my friend Elaine H. gave me the coolest perspective on the whole event.
I decided to take the low vibration energy I was experiencing and do something productive with it.
I chose to raise $ for the Happy Hearts Fund, which rebuilds children's lives after natural disasters through the sales of my art & photography. I created wearable art pins (see photo below of 2 designs, front & back). I also made various colors of Year of the Rabbit cards with origami/Kanji and I also have some photos of Japan that I want to make greeting cards with. I'm working on a logo that can go on various merchandise, as well. I'm in the process of figuring out Etsy as a marketplace. If you're interested in more info about these, please contact me!

The subject I've been wanting to write about since February is a mantra/affirmation that my friend Julie Wright taught me. (She is the best yoga teacher ever, BTW!) What makes her amazing in my opinion? Her poses are challenging and rejuvenating, but what makes her special is that she infuses affirmations/encourages us to focus on being mindful and grateful while we hold our poses. It's yoga blended with Law of Attraction! Although I'm bummed she isn't teaching in my city anymore, there is one phrase she taught me that has stayed with me and I do my best to say it to myself when my memory serves me:

This is the best moment, ever!

I say it during any moment, any activity and any time of day. From the mundane tasks, to driving on the freeway to being intimate with a loved one. This affirmation reminds me to be in the NOW for all we have is NOW (Eckhart Tolle wrote about this topic beautifully in his book). It reminds me to be grateful for NOW. Joe Vitale states that when we are constantly thankful for the NOW, being in the moment and being present, then we emit this higher vibration that allows divine inspiration to come to us--we think more clearly, we get questions answered and we get GPS instructions from the universe! Abraham teaches us this high vibration of infinite energy is like a giant magnet, where things that make us happy HAVE to come into our reality! They have no choice but to manifest!

Today while I watched Agape's Sunday service online, I found this cool statement on Michael's Facebook page:
"When something you desire shows up around you, even if it's someone else who has it, it's actually a good sign. This is letting you know that you are on the right frequency and are beginning to attract it to yourself. Feel good for others who have what you want and this will intensify the attraction of it to you even more."
Wow, it's just what I needed to hear!
In honor of Abraham/Hick's method of "Rampage of Appreciation", here I go…

I love noticing people around me who are healthy, slim, radiant, blissful, happy, brave, financially abundant, always smiling and laughing, have high self-esteem, always take action from inspiration, ignore external or internal chatter that is limiting, always open-minded, accepting of others and was, is and always will be empowered!
Buddha said anything that is impermanent is not real. This means things we allow to bother us are not real. Isn't this great news???
We are infinite beings--our true nature, our essence IS real. How cool is that?

Can you make every moment the best ever? Can you rattle off everything you like about what is around you, including aspects of people's lifestyles you would love to have for yourself? That's my challenge to you, now go have fun while you're at it!

The Path to Loving my Body

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The Number 9

I embraced January 1, 2009; I was hopeful that it was going to be a great year. I read that the number 9 means completion in the Taoist tradition, so I thought that it was an auspicious sign and was really looking forward to what life would bring me. Little did I know that I manifested the biggest life lesson I'd ever personally experience.

I started out the year by allowing my friends to help me with the clutter that was built up over 14 years. I still had my art assignments from college stuffed away in portfolio folders that were falling apart, I had clothes and shoes in my closet from the 90s, I had a ton of toy collectibles I bought in the mid 90s to sell on Ebay, but never did. You get the picture. I was looking forward to creating an open space where I could relax, entertain and be more free to create. Shortly after that day, I injured my pinky finger on my dominant hand by accidentally smashing it into a brick wall. My doctor didn't think I broke it, yet it put a hamper on my graphic design and fine art tasks for months. I had a freelance job placement agency working for me at the time, and they told me it was slow because most companies' fiscal year was ending. This was expected, and I was fine with it. I needed time to heal my little digit. (Little did I know that injuring my finger would snowball into more. I manifested underemployment for two years starting from that month!)

A few months later, Spring wasn't the only thing that sprung. I started getting crazy symptoms in my reproductive organs all at once. My uterus prolapsed, I felt like a ping pong ball was in my vagina and I was menstruating nonstop for months. My body appeared to be falling apart and I felt weak all the time. This scared and confused me. I was too young for my body to react this way.
I didn't have insurance, so my GP talked me into going to the County Hospital for treatment. (They offer financial assistance for people who make below a certain amount). They poked and prodded me and assessed I had uterine fibroids, abnormal PAP results, an enlarged cervix and menorrhagia. OK, now that I know what I have, how do I get back to good health? The doctors didn't offer a solution for me besides a hysterectomy and hormone therapy, and I felt those choices were too extreme for me and my body.
Thus, began my quest for alternative therapies. I stopped ingesting birth control pills. I saw a Chinese medicine doctor who performed acupuncture and gave me herbs to take. I consulted with my homeopathic teacher to help me decide what remedies could work. I practiced Spring Forest Qigong daily instead of sporadically, as well as meditation with visualization. I allowed myself to sit in the massage chair, focusing on acupressure. I cut out most sugars and incorporated seaweed and apple cider vinegar in my diet. I was determined to heal myself holistically and naturally instead of surgically and with pharmaceuticals. 

I believe all the steps I listed above was responsible for my healing process, but the breakthrough therapy that I give the most credit to is Chunyi Lin's Taoist approach to healing. He taught me that instead of hating the ailments, I must send love to it and apologize to my body for not paying attention to the signs that led me to this point. He says there is no such thing as good or bad energy, but rather too much energy in the body. This creates imbalance and the body gets overwhelmed and can't keep up with healing itself. The key to healing is to get rid of the excess energy so that you are back to being balanced and "just right". I also love that he says there isn't a wrong or right way to perform Chi kung, but rather good/better/best. I like to think that all aspects of life could be seen this way!

I also learned that some (if not all) symptoms are psychosomatic in origin. So I searched for what happened to me in my past that I hadn't let go of, that was related to my stressed out reproductive organs. All kinds of  things came up, it was like a Pandora's box. Reasons ranged from being hurt by past relationships, fear of getting hurt now and in the future, family members telling me I wasn't good enough, and the biggie: my subconscious believed I didn't deserve the best. It was time to hit the delete key and do a clean sweep on these beliefs that didn't serve me any more!

In addition to the holistic modalities, I was also practicing the Law of Attraction. I read books and listened to audio by Joe Vitale and Abraham/Hicks over and over, I would envision myself being healthy and happy, with boundless energy. I would watch my favorite tv show of all time, Northern Exposure, and laugh daily. I avoided watching the news or network TV. I figured someone would tell me if something happened that I really needed to know. I would be grateful that I had a support system in my family and friends. Everyone who knew I was sick were pulling for me. I surrounded myself with good vibes and directed my focus toward being happy.

It took about four months of constant self care, but I finally saw my symptoms go away and my energy was returning. I can happily say that my pelvic symptoms are 98% gone today!
I used to think that 2009 ended up being a terrible year. Not only because of the health challenges, but because of the financial ones as well. Now I see that it was the year I learned to heal myself and also to take the Law of Attraction seriously so I can continue to improve myself daily. If 9 is the number of completion, I can see 2009 as representing an old and tired phase of my life, and a new, powerful one taking its place.

No such thing as coincidence! As I was looking for an image to go with this article, I remembered that one of my art pieces was titled "Multimedia Mood Plaque #9: Rebirth". My friend Jim would call this a Karmic Circle! :)

I am forever grateful to my friends and family who helped me on my path to wellness, and thank you to my teachers for showing me how to love myself. Thanks also to those who prayed for me and sent me healing energy.


Life is good!